i just had sex bonerless
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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