It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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