they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
operation have a gay friend backfired
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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