If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
