I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
