I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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