so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
