I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
