I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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