Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
