If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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