Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
