he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Randomize
