Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
