As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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