I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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