i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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