I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
