so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
