wanna go halves on a baby?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
