I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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