I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
