Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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