Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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