Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
