During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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