that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
