I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Couch. On fire.
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