You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
