I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
