she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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