I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just forgot I was standing up.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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