imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
