he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think I won the penis lottery.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
