Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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