Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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