Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
