Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
