oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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