He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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