Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
