Can Purell be used as lube?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
