When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
