Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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