I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
