I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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