Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
