Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
