This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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