the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
