grandma shit on top of the toilet
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
