Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
