I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
