Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i dont even know how to be here
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
