the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
