She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
