I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
