those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
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