if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
