remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
