Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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