Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
