Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
