Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
