i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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