Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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