walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
